Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize