so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it's like iHOP with fire
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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