Banned from zoo.
Again?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize