people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
