Sry I called you an 8
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
