I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she smelled like a LAN party
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
