maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
