do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
