I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
