you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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