ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i wish my penis had a tongue
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
