btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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