oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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