So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
