i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
