dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
