true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
