don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i came on her dog
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is the high leading the old right now
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
