He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
