Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
