I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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