I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
