I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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