I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
