I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize