seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
