I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize