like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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