Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
is it fun? or sober?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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