i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The adults are the big ones right?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
