DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
