Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
