I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
