she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize