you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
