that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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