oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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