i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
