The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
