Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
