there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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