He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I touched a dick in church today
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
