He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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