Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
