I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
