i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my sisters under your porch take her home
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
