the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
