She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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