I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
