Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize