I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
