U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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