Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
