You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
