Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
