i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
