can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
