I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
