OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
