i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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