I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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