Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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