I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How does one acquire holy water?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
