1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
