So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
