I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize