You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
