That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
